Awake
After twenty-seven years of my eccentric behavior being misunderstood and unable to understand it myself, I stumbled upon the word 'autism': a label, but one that made sense of my life and struggles. This led to my recent diagnosis with on the high functioning spectrum of autism, along with ADD and OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder).
Sensory integration may be the most difficult aspect of my autism to understand, but it is arguably the most critical. Being extremely visually oriented, this is often my first sense to become over-stimulated. Not only are fluorescent lights too bright, but also their buzzing and flickering have an immeasurable affect on me. As the pulsating light bounces off everything surrounding me, distorting what I am seeing, my eyes begin to burn. The room then seems to pulsate as if it were breathing. Typically, I compensate for this with “tunnel vision”. I can easily become completely fixated on things, allowing me pick out patterns and details others usually are oblivious to.
When my plan for the day isn't as clear-cut or suddenly changes, my autism kicks in, and I might get caught up in feeding an OCD tendency. In 2009 this was more apparent than any point in my life. That was when I had to transition out into the real world from my first college Digipen Institute of Technology. I found my self twenty-four years old and on the verge of being homeless. This was when Callie, my wife, first made her appearance in my life, saving what was left. With her patience and positive reinforcement I have now found a way to harness the attributes of my “disabilities” and use them to start this new adventure of pursing a degree in physics.
