The day that autism changed my life was not long after I turned 50 years old when a good friend from my local ZEGG Forum Group, who had a psychological background, asked me if I might have Asperger's Syndrome. At a group circle meeting I voluntarily offered the potential that I was or could be a narcissist and was attempting to empathize with women who may have felt that way about my overly honest manner of expression and my relatively low level of emotional empathy. A discussion sub-group had formed that was reading the book, 'Why Does He DO That?' by Lundy Bancroft about verbally or physically abusive men. At the first meeting during snacks one woman listening to us in casual conversation got up and starting screaming at me as if I had abused her personally, even though I had never even met her before, saying that my words and facial expressions were EXACTLY as the book described such men. I am so grateful that she had enough nerve to express herself so authentically (and dramatically) and to offer me an example of how women, or people in general, may have received my communication in the past. I suddenly realized all the women I may have either hurt emotionally or had a negative effect upon. It appears that I am very physically empathetic and very good with animals and while I have no problem with women in sexual situations I obviously had a challenge with long-term relationships. Until I found out about my having Aspergers I had no concept of what it meant not to be empathetic toward other people but that I actually had a choice to be empathetic as opposed to being unconsciously reactive which most people seem to expect from other people. I did extensive research into Aspergers and watched a lot of movies like 'Temple Grandin' and 'Adam' and TV shows like 'House' and 'Homeland' and learned about the many subtle aspects of the Spectrum such that I could NOW be aware of and take 100% responsibility for them in myself to avoid unnecessary conflicts.

Pi PhD
Silicon Valley, CA