Our son is 27 months old. Since he was a baby he has been kind of distant. Unlike our second child he didn't really care to be held, wouldn't mimic facial expression, was behind in rolling/crawling. By one he wasn't talking or pointing. He starting rocking back/forth,stimming,hitting himself, and banging his head. I searched these things on the internet and immediately autism came up.
We brought our concerns to his physician. We were referred to a specialist. His first appointment they did an evaluation, referred him to speech therapy. He was 20 months. His hand gestures changed, but didn't stop. The doctor told us he wasn't sure yet, and wanted to wait. His speech was recorded as that of an 8 month old at 24 months.
7 months after his evaluation, we are still in speech therapy. He has finally started talking! He still has tantrums, rocks, makes hand gestures, (but less) He loves cars and anything that spins, prefers to be alone, doesn't like to be cuddled unless it's on his terms, looks at things out of the corner of his eye, and slaps himself in the face.
We go back and forth, but his speech pathologist who works with autistic children seems to think he is autistic. Everytime they say it, it burns in my chest. For a while I felt as if I lost a part of myself. It was like I was grieving. Would my son ever play sports? Would he get bullied in school? Would he be able to be independent? Would he ever tell me he loves me? Will he get married? Have children?
To me, the diagnosis will not change anything. He will still be my baby. Right now we go back and forth, and it hurts me when people recognize his behaviors and say things like "Why does he do that?" "Look at his eyes! Why is he doing that?" He doesn't seem different to me. He's perfect in my eyes.
I just want the peace instead of wondering everyday "is he or isn't he?"
unknown, CA