My son looks like a typical kid; active and bright, and, to the casual onlooker, just another little boy.
So when he darts away from me running for a door to open and close or screams and cries as he pulls away trying to make it to a door he shouldn't touch, he seems to be a defiant, out-of-control kid who needs some good discipline.
People have said, "Just don't let him do it, and he’ll learn." A clear sign they have no idea the driving force behind my son's need. A need that goes so deep in him that no discipline in the form of punishment will stop it. All I can do is continue to give him strategies and alternatives for times like this. Some work; some don't. It’s a process.
Many haven’t believed me and even stepped in thinking their stern voice or ultimatum would somehow do the trick, leaving me to deal with the even greater or longer meltdown.
It’s hard to explain a mind that read at 2 but couldn’t be toilet trained until 7; understands what you say, but has a hard time talking. Senses that perceive running water as painful to hear, but a loud siren won’t make him flinch; gentle touches that hurt while firm touches comfort.
His anxiety level looks like a defiant child, but is only a child no longer able to win his hard-fought battle for control.
I can't let others' judgments or opinions of my parenting deter me. I will not frustrate him more and put even harder burdens on him than he already bears just for the appeasement of those who don't understand. Thankfully he has many people around him who feel the way I do and understand that you can't discipline autism out of a child.
Austin, TX
