My name is Katie, I am 18 years old, and I have high-functioning autism, formerly called Asperger's Syndrome.
When I was born I was normal, insofar as normal is considered. I met all of my milestones, except for being a couple of months late to walk. Since I was born first my parents didn't know anything was amiss: I was able to climb in and out of my crib on my own, and I could fasten buttons before I was 2 years old. From when I was 4 to about when I started first grade, I would watch the same Transformers movie every day without fail at 4:30 in the afternoon.
I couldn't play with toys. I would set up my plastic army men and my toy firefighters on the floor of my room but then all I could do was sit and stare at them. I couldn't actually play.
I was diagnosed with ADHD in 6th grade, but when I was put on medication for it the side effects were worse than the initial symptoms, so eventually I refused to be medicated. I wasn't diagnosed with autism until the end of my 8th grade year. My parents had a meeting with my english teacher and I got to go home from school early. I got into the car and my dad turned around in the seat to look at me and said "Guess what kid, you have Asperger's." I heard ASS BURGERS. I almost laughed.
I was bullied throughout all of school but I didn't know what it was until high school. I became depressed and in my senior year I tried to kill myself several times. I would also cut, and so I have 22 scars on my arms and legs because I hated myself for having autism. I just wanted to be normal.
I felt like everything I did was unimportant. I was invisible unless someone was laughing at me.
I graduated in June. I am still alive, but also still depressed. Maybe, someday, someone will cure autism, and that will change for me.
Barre, VT
