Very recently Ethan, my oldest child, was diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder. I find myself looking back on how we got to this point in our lives without knowing there was something wrong. After a few minutes of contemplating this; it finally came to me.
I knew all along.
I knew and I am ashamed to say that I tried to pretend it wasn't. I didn't want it to be true for his sake. But he is so much stronger than me. For the first time, I am following his lead. And I couldn't be prouder!
While I had my suspicions, I didn't understand it. Thinking back, I remember when he was just four months old and was already fidgeting in ways 'normal' babies didn't. He was such a great baby that I put those worries in the back of my mind. As a toddler, all (and I do mean ALL) he wanted to do was spin toys or watch things that spin. At 2, the emotions inside him were, at times, so uncontrollable, that I wanted to cry with him. I thought it was "terrible two's" and tucked those emotions away, too. At 3, his aversions to touch, sounds, strange people or places made us avoid going out of the house unless we needed to. That's when I finally accepted that something wasn't right.
Although less frequently, deep down I could tell Ethan was struggling with the same issues. If there is something wrong with my child, if he needed help, then I wanted him to have it. Then we had our diagnosis. We knew what I had known all along.
If its one thing I learned from all of this its that Ethan is stronger than we ever thought. He made it through all this, too. He is my little superhero.
And he is still the same sweet, smart and caring little boy he always was. Now, he just also happens to have Autism. Ethan is going to be fine. He's got me. And Mommy will be there for you every step of the way, Baby Boy.
Newberry, FL
